Hi. You might all know me as Carrie, but lately I've just been a self-centered git.

And the worst part is, I haven't even been realizing it. It's something I'm working on, and I'm not there yet (obviously). I've been talking through it with my therapist. Maybe it seems clear to some of you, but not others. I don't know.

This is hard. I'm trying to talk straight from my heart. I want to learn to be the best Carrie I can be. Which means being the best friend I can be, the best cockroach killer I can be, the most strong and awesome woman who don't take no shit from nobody. Yes, that's a million double negatives, so I'm not sure exactly where I stand there.

I've done some things lately without taking my friends feelings into consideration. I've just plowed forward, Carrie-style, without realizing the consequences until it's almost too late. i've come close to losing best friends and i feel like i'm in such a maelstrom that i really didn't even notice until feelings were hurt.

I almost lost Karen because I hurt her feelings and didn't know how to deal with it, so I just hid. That is unacceptable behavior on my part, and I was glad to have you guys here to call me out on it so i could do something about it before the damage was totally irreparable. it's not perfect. i'm not perfect. but i'm learning to say what i mean and not what i want people to hear. that doesn't do anyone any good. or even worse, when i hear what i want to hear and plow forward with that information.

ie, karen's wedding. i asked if i could bring peter, and somehow my brain and i twisted it into her inviting him. that wasn't right and i'm sorry. i didn't think how it would affect my sisters, only that "yay boyfriend open bar fun with girls yay!" and not the logistics of "well, we'd already talked about this being FoC-centric and just a few days ago i wasn't even sure if i was going to be attending the festivities anyway." i feel so lucky to be able to see our sister off, but like i said, full force without thinking.

and i stepped on toes. i hurt a friend without thinking of her feelings. i shut off and made a decision for her without taking the time to discuss it through with her. while i appreciated alina's honesty, i didn't think all the way through to the end of the thought process. i didn't think that my bringing a boy into our circle would effect us, hurt her feelings, and make things uncomfortable for all involve. and it would, at least for that weekend. maybe longer.

i'm just letting you all know where i stand. that this is all a learning process. learning to be my own person, while still being part of the grand scheme of things - if that makes any sense.

if you have any imput, i'm really interested in hearing what you have to say.

So, for Alina's birthday bash, what are we thinking?? I have some frequent flyer miles saved up, so I want to start checking availability. Dates? Times? I know it is far off, but if I can swing a free flight, it will be worth it to book early.

ps: I'm home, watching the game. Told Margot I couldn't deal with reality today. A definite perk of my job.

OH! And while she was on vacation last week, she bought me an official Sox jersey with my favorite player, Jason Varitek. The official jerseys are $275.

So, do I keep it, because it is super cool, or do I sell it on Ebay and pay 1/3 my mortgage????

Thank you Fishy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can has Netflix nau!

Sitting in my office, with Merlin snoring at my feet, and Sadie asleep on the doggie bed with a toy on her nose. I wish I could nap too.

Has anyone else noticed a change in their comments in their personal journals? I seem to only get comments from the FOC. Maybe it is because I am a caustic bitch and drive everyone else nuts. Or maybe it is because of something completely unrelated.

Anyone else feeling this?

My pix are on picasa now too!

Ok, because I'm anal, here's what I know so far about the weekend:

Susan is arriving in Philly around 9:30 tomorrow night.
Karen is meeting Holly in Philly Friday morning (?)
I am picking Alina up around 6:30am at Hartford airport.

Once I pick up Alina, we have 3 hours straight driving to get to the cabin. We will, of course, be stopping for doggie pee breaks and porn acquisition, so it will take longer. My guess is we'll be there sometime between 11 and 12.

Karen will meet us at the Pickerel Inn on Route 402 in Dingman's Ferry (what kind of name is that????).

En route, Karen et al will be stopping to pick up provisions for the weekend, including Annie Mac and all the fixin's (butter, milk, etc).

We are all hanging out until Monday morning-ish, whereby we reverse the pick up process and deposit people where they need to be.

Am I right?

Can someone tell me what is going on behind the scenes???

OK, I got in some limited e-mail to Karen before leaving for work. For August, are we thinking hit the road to the cabin out of Phoenixville on Friday morning? And leave the cabin Sunday night/Monday morning?

I'm thinking fuckitall, use my vacation days wherez I can get them, and am looking at sidestep for flights.

Karen, what was the bitty local airport, just in case? Allentown?

Any more word about the weather and the potential impact on our location??

Is Alina taking her bar exam right now?

I just need to talk about the upcoming weekend to help pass the time...

-Ingredients for super secret drinky drink
-Awesome fun new game for us to play
-Wine
-More Wine
-DCVDP
-Toothbrush
-Sadie
-Pillows
-Sleeping bag
-Camera!